This is a question that we all can't help, but ask sometimes. When things go wrong, we wonder why is this happening to me? During the first part of my cancer journey, that thought never crossed my mind. I never felt the urge to ask God why is this was happening to me, why my family was having to go through this, why my little babies were having to watch their mommy be sick and not take care of them the way I should. From the day of my diagnosis I decided to trust that God had a bigger, better plan that I did. I had to convince myself to let go and believe without a shadow of a doubt that He was in control. There was absolutely nothing on this earth that I could do to make this go away. All I could do was pray for comfort and peace. He answered my prayers and for the most part I was at peace with what was going on.
However, I'm going to be honest. When I first found out about the recurrence last summer, my first emotion was anger. I felt that I had already put in my time to this disease, that I had beat it once and it wasn't fair that I was going to have to go through it again. Why? This was honestly the first time I felt the urge to ask "Why me?" If God loved me, why was I having to go through this AGAIN! Once more I found peace in knowing that I wasn't in control.
I'm so thankful that God chose to heal me. He literally performed a miracle in my body. Multiple doctors have said that my healing was a miracle. Along the way, I have met many young colon cancer survivors in person and through the internet. I have been following one strory since last December. It is of a young girl named Leah, I believe she is 19. Her diagnosis was also Stage IV Colon Cancer. (You can find her story at this link. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/leahwhittaker) Leah has tried every conventional treatment that's out there for Colon Cancer and unfortunately, the cancer has continued to grow. They have told her parents to just make her comfortable. My heart literally breaks for this family. This young girl had her whole life before her and now it's been taken right out from under her. Her family is still trusting that God loves her and they are finding comfort in knowing that. I read her latest update this afternoon where her mother wrote that she doesn't wake up anymore. I couldn't help it and before I gave it a second thought I (although obviously very thankful for my healing) thought why me? Why did God choose to heal me? I don't know. I truly don't know the answer to that, but I'm so, so thankful!!! I will continue to share my story and encourge people to never give up! Trust that God has a plan for each of us and take comfort in knowing that He is in control!
Tuesday, August 16 -- I just found out that Leah passed away this morning. She is no longer suffering or in pain. Please pray for her family.
Tabitha- I'm so moved by your faith. You have such an amazing ability to write so earnestly about your cancer journey and your feelings. I know it sounds cheesy, but your faith in God is genuinely inspiring.
ReplyDeletePraying for God to wrap his loving arms around Leah's family and give them comfort now.
Rachel
I feel the same way Tabitha. I wonder why I got cancer too. I believe God has a purpose for my past cancer journey, and continues to bless me. I struggle to find my purpose in life. I know god didn't have me go through cancer to just keep to myself. I ask the same question, Why did I survive? how did I get away with a fist size tumor not spreading? I know God has good things planned;-) ...I smile knowing Leah is resting in HIS arms and cancer free ;-)
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