Shew! That doesn't even come close to explaning the relief that I felt as Dr. Stephens let me know that my scan looked great! The last few days have been mentally exhausting to say the least. With cancer there is a lot of physical hurt and pain, but that doesn't even compare to the mental challenges that come along with it. I think my nerves forced my mind to talk my body into literally having physical pains this past week which is why I was so scared to hear the results. Deep down I know that God has healed me, but I can't help but give in to a little bit of that doubt that creeps into my mind in the weeks leading up to a scan.
We pulled into the parking lot, Josh turned off the car and I said I think I am going to throw up. My nerves had gotten the best of my stomach . We walked in, let them know we were there and took our seats as we waited for them to call my name. It was my turn, so I went in to the nurses area to have my vitals taken. The nurse got ready to take my blood pressure and in walks Dr. Stephens, with this serious look on his face. My heart hit the floor and I thought surely he isn't going to give me the bad news right here. He knelt down and told the nurse not to take my blood pressure yet, he looked at me and said your scan was clean, he smiled and then he jokingly told the nurse to go ahead and take my BP. Oh my gosh! I was so thankful! I started to tear up and then they called Josh back and I got to share the news with him.
I'm not exactly sure why I was so nervous about this scan, other than the fact that I thought I did have some tenderness around my liver, but I think it was more than that. I think it was possibly a little reminder of how sweet and precious life is and how vulnerable we all actually are to losing it. It definitely reminded me to soak up every moment and enjoy the time that we are given because we never know what tomorrow will bring. For now I am just going to bask in the excitement of still being CANCER FREE! Thank you again for all of the love and support and most importantly for the prayers....they were answered!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Let me just start by saying that scan weeks are not my favorite weeks. I am usually fine until about a week or so before hand and then I start to feel my anxiety rise and my confidence level go down. I try to just pray through those times until I feel peaceful about it. I have a scan tomorrow and I can tell you that this time has been no different. Actually, I am more nervous about this one than any that I have had in the past year. I'm not exactly sure why.....which really makes me nervous. I hope and pray that I'm not being prepped for what I fear the most. It's so difficult going in for the results, waiting in the waiting room, knowing that your life can completely change in an instant. So if you have a few extra minutes, please pray that I will have a clean scan and that I will have peace while we wait for the results.Thank you so much!